


He-Gassen

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Deadly Gas, Farts, M/M, Nostril Sex, Oral Sex, Polyamory, Spit Roasting, Super Mutants, Texas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7210688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Texans try to untie America again, our favorite wasteland survivalists fend them off and also show a little love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He-Gassen

**Author's Note:**

> My boyfriend and I just realized that Rod Serling is canonly in the Fallout universe. Ye be warned.

 

Nate watched as Hancock’s chest rose and fell.

He’d heard rumors, frantic whispers, about what was to come today. Animals, radstag and radbunnies and radeverythings, were acting strange. In diamond city, those in the upper stands claimed to have seen figures moving North.

None of it had sunk in until, from the open window, he heard, “It only gets bigger from here!” The voice, big, and followed by an even bigger crash.

Bigger…

Texas.

Home.

That’s right, Nate was from Texas. A secret he’d hopped to take to the grave.

John stirred.

“Good morning my angel.”

“It’s too fucking hot,” Hancock groaned. He tossed the thin blanket off the bed, then let out a big fart. It was a real rip-roar.

Nate grabbed the nearest Boston Bugles, desperately trying to wave away the stench. “Rawr.”

Hancock scratched his bald head. “What the fuck did you just say.” His black eyes glanced at the bedside table. “Where are my Mentats?”

“Hancock, I need to talk to you.”

“First, Mentats.”

“I’m Texan.”

The monochrome eyes widened. “You? You’re Texan? I -” He rested his head in his hand. “I… don’t know what that is. Mentats, please.”

Suddenly, a cabinet crashed through the window, and into their bedroom. “I’ll tell ya hwat!”

“That’s a Texan.”

“All they got in Texas is steers and queers, and I ain’t see no horns on you, metal man.”

“Stop referencing garbage war movies!” Came that sexy, robot smoker’s voice.

John and Nate froze. Yet again, Nick got himself in trouble.

Nate ran to the broken window, glass cutting into his hands. “Hue City was in Britain, dammit!”

The monster’s face brightened when he laid eyes on Nate. “You! I remember you! You haven’t changed a day!”

“Yeah, I spend a lot of time on my back. Wait, this isn't Texas! You can't just judge him unfairly like that!”

“Oh, Nate boy, that's where you're wrong. That's where you're wrong! That's where you're wrong. Everything is Texas now!”

The tall, muscular, tobacco-spitting, cowboy hat wearing, curse spewing, super mutant with a long rifle started stomping the ground. Two more mutants that looked exactly the same came running over.

“What's the issue, Paw?”

“Meats!”

They charged the house. Nick jumped through the window and landed in Nate's lap.

“They're gonna kill us and eat us! Well, maybe not me, but they will you two flesh bags!”

Nick scrambled to his feet and looked around.

“Nate, is this your home?”

“Sho nuff you'd see it eventually.”

“Wow! What are all of these paintings?”

The walls were covered in the most grotesque and obscure paintings the world had ever seen.

“Oh, those. Well...um, yeah, I have something to tell both of you.”

Nate snapped his fingers. Out from the old door that Nate had claimed to be unopenable came `a very old, very nude Rod Serling. He was holding his ballsack up like a long dress so that they didn't scrape across the splintered floorboards.

“Sub-sub-sub-submitted for UGH!”

He fell to the floor.

“Is he gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, he'll come out of it in a few hours. Look out!”

A molotov came flying in and landed on Rod Serling's back. Nick ran over.

“He is gonna burn to death!”

“Wrong! He is a valuable character to the story line and therefore immortal.”

Nate threw a gun at Nick and it hit him in the face.

“Useless robot!”

Nate and Hancock went to the window and opened fire, but the Texan's had some tough skin. Tough Texas skin.  
“Hancock!”

“Yes?”

“...Do it.”

“Right on, brother man.”

Hancock bent over and aimed his ass at the window. He let out a tiny grunt and a huge tornado. WOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Foul smelling gas filled the yard and the Super Texans turned to ash.

“Jolly good show, 'Cock!”

“HANcock, you little.”

He bent over again and aimed at Nate.

“No, please!”

“I was just showing you how it was!”

There was a stirring outside. The three listened carefully. It sounded something like 'heck heck heckheckheck heck heck.”

“They must have brought their tough Texas chickens with them. Do it.”

“Aye, boss.”

Hancock went back over to the window and gave the yard another tornado slam. WHOOOSH! Not even a cheek flapping sound, just pure butthole wind passage. The yard filled with the deadlier-than-phosgene-in-a-corpse-garden gas. There was the sound of thrashing in the burned out bushes below the house, but it stopped quickly. Hancock looked over the sill and sighed. He pulled up the body that the heck noises owned. It was MacCready.

“Dammit, Hancock! I swear we can't write him or something, god!”

Rod Serling stirred a little and then settled back down.

“You sure he's gonna be okay?”

“Yeah he comes out of it! Drop the subject already!”

Hancock swaggered over to the bed and collapsed.

“All this gassing is making me hungry. Or was it horny? One of my senses is tingling and I can;t figure it out.”

He rubbed his stomach and stared at the ceiling.

“Hunger is normally painful, right? This isn't pain...horniness comes with a hard genital MOST of the time, right?”

He looked down to see a bulge in his pants.

“Dammit, Eureka! I am horny after all!”

The other two echoed his declaration of horniness and they all crawled onto the single mattress.

“You know what this sandwich needs? Some Serling. Come here, boy!”

Nate whistled and Rod's head popped up.

“Get up here!”

Nate was patting the mattress rapidly to try to get Rod excited enough to make the jump. He crawled over and pathetically put his hands on the bed. He couldn't make the rest of the way and the other three had to pull him up.

“That's a good boy!”

Nate pet him on the head and Rod smiled.

“Are-are-are-are we headed to the....the...f-f-f-f-fifth dimension?”

“You bet we are!”

Rod's penis exploded. He pointed down to it.

“O-o-o-only in the Night Gallery.”

Two teeth fell out as he said it.

“Spit roast tonight, Rod?”

He nodded swiftly, his neck making an awful cracking sound.

They put Rod on his back and positioned Nate at his 350 year old rear entrance and the other two at his head.

“Ready, set, go!”

They started penetrating each orifice repeatedly. Hancock, also known as “The One With The Small Dick” was putting his penis in and out of each nostril interchangeably. Nick just placed his magnum dong in Rod's mouth and left it there for fear of killing him with its greatness. Nate's absolutely average butthole destroyer was doing its butthole destroying thing. And Rod? Well, Rod was taking it really well. So well that he came, like, forty times.

After Rodgasm 40, they stopped their play and let the man rest.

“I still can't believe his ticker is going after all these years.”

“Hey, I said he was immortal!”

They sat there and watched him sleep.

“He looks just like a little baby.”

“Hey! Don't make fun of his height! I'll fight ya!”

“Calm down! I'm talking about his face.”

Nate looked again and was smelling what Nick was stepping in. That face could win wars. He started kicking and punching the air.

“Awwwwww, he's dreaming!”

“I wonder what he is dreaming about.”

“Hey! Don't ask that! It is absolutely 100% none of your business.”

They watched him punch and scratch behind his ear with his foot for a good two hours. All the while talking about being fathers and planning their next adoption.

 

 


End file.
